“You? Really? You don’t have shareworthy stories. Who do you think you are? Who would want to read your book?”

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Nasty, isn’t it? I had been trapped in these self-sabotaging thoughts for years. One night in December 2022, I was done. I was sick and tired of the trap that I had created for myself. So I broke it and released myself. I started writing. I don’t know what got into me. I just opened my laptop and started typing. I mean, there were many things that influenced me to eventually get to that point. That’s for sure. But I can’t point to any specific force that tipped me over that night.

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During those years, trapped in self-sabotaging thoughts, what accompanied them was this longing. Longing to let myself loose. To let myself break out of the tiny shell that confined me. To let my wings open, big and wide. With no apology whatsoever for taking the space they needed. And fly high and far.

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As I was trying to make sense of the self-doubt and longing and how they kept showing up together, I discovered over time that what I meant by letting myself loose was to do my own things. To create something of my own that can have a positive impact on somebody’s life. No need to follow anyone’s rules. No need to seek anyone’s approval and recognition. Letting my creative juice flow and creating something so refreshingly authentic.

 

I am Vice President of Marketing for a technology consulting company. I have a fulfilling career. It challenges me, satisfies my desire to grow, and functions as my creative outlet. I truly love what I do. Every morning, I wake up energized to start my workday. At night, though, I found myself with creative energy that was still very much alive and active after a long workday. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I couldn’t leave that massive energy tamed any longer. It was eating me alive. It manifested as frustration, feeling unfulfilled, and unhappiness. I was getting agitated and anxious. I knew I had to let it loose. Let it flow.

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I’m at the very end of my thirties. The fortieth year is just around the corner. Throughout my twenties, I often found myself feeling so damn lost, sad, and depressed. As I was swimming (no, drowning is a better word for it) in the middle of the dark muddy water, not knowing where I was going, not seeing any path for me, feeling too embarrassed to admit that I was so lost, feeling too depressed and proud at the same time to talk to anyone and ask for help, books were my life jacket. They were what I could rely on to get clarity, direction, comfort, and assurance. I particularly loved nonfiction books that were written in such an authentic voice. Those authentic stories told in a refreshingly authentic voice lifted my spirits during the hard times. If I were to gather enough courage to write a book one day, I had always thought, I would strive to write one just like that—refreshingly authentic stories that can help someone get off the floor and walk toward the light at the end of the dark tunnel they’re in. 

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And here I am, writing my first book to share my stories. The stories that are real, not those Instagram or Facebook shareworthy stories where our life is packaged up to show how “perfect” it is. No, not at all. I’m only sharing stories that are real and raw. I share those times when I experienced my blood boiling, those times when I cried my eyes out, those times when I was damn freaking mad, and those times when I was so happy and proud.

 

The authors of the books that guided me are my secret mentors. I have many of them. Their stories and journeys inspired me and encouraged me. They continue to do so. And I am forever grateful. Without them, who knows? I might still be slowly drowning in the dark, muddy water.

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I came out of the shell that confined me and started writing this book not from a place of “let me tell you what I know because I know best,” but rather with the hope that my little act of courage, my little act of fighting imposter syndrome, inspires you, the reader, to do the same. I hope my stories told in this book, shared in my very own authentic voice, comfort you like a big, cozy blanket on a cold winter day or a cool breeze on a hot summer day. That’s exactly what helped me and continues to help me. I have been helped, encouraged, and inspired. It is my turn to give back.

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In this book, I share my experiences and pose ponder-worthy questions that hopefully spark ideas of your own and inspire you to take the actions that you have been putting off out of self-doubt. What I intentionally avoid in this book is giving advice. I didn’t write this book to preach. Every human is different, and our stories are all so different. I don’t believe any one of us is in a place to give the perfect advice to another human being. Have you known people in your life who were so eager to give you a shit ton of advice all the time? I have. Have you ever felt, “That sounds good in theory. Thanks for the advice, but…”? I certainly have. So, no, I’m not here to give you advice. I’m here to share.

 

 

How the book is structured

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This book has seven chapters, five plus an opening and a closing chapter. Each of the five central chapters has its own theme—the themes are the values I live by. Authenticity. Perseverance. Passion. Integrity. Loyalty.

A few years ago, I spent a whole day on self-discovery. I asked myself fundamental questions, such as, “Who are you?” “What excites you more than anything?” “What bothers you like nothing else?” “What are you good at?” and “What are the values you live by?” Since that day, I have asked myself these questions again and again on a relatively regular basis. We are fluid. We grow. We change. We transform. I believe that we should continue to do so until the very final moment of our lives. When we question ourselves, there are certain things that keep showing up as answers. When I look at my written-down answers, there is a pattern, and that pattern is the very core of who I am.

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Here is the process I followed to identify the five core values I live by. I had a long list of attributes in front of me. I circled those that resonated with me. The list was still long. I read them over and over again to choose a few that excited me more than the others. After repeating this exercise a few times, I eventually narrowed it down to the five: authenticity, perseverance, passion, integrity, and loyalty. When I reflect on the decisions I made in the past, before I identified and wrote down these five values, I see the correlation between the decisions and the values.

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This exercise took more time than I expected. We humans are complicated beings. Every experience in our lives thus far has shaped us. Understanding who we are takes time and effort. It was a fascinating exercise and definitely worthwhile. Doing this exercise, along with answering the other self-discovery questions mentioned above, helped me identify my purpose, my calling. That clarity, the level of clarity that I’d never had, felt so darn good. Like a glass of ice water on an extremely hot day.

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With all that clarity gained from this exercise, I wondered, “What if I had done the exercise when I was younger? Would I have realized my calling earlier? Been less freaked out and frustrated in my twenties?” The answer, I believe, is no. The same exercise would have led me to a different outcome. In fact, I did ask myself similar questions throughout my twenties, and I was still lost. There are many things I’m still trying to figure out. I am very much a work-in-progress in every way. I believe I will continue to be. And that’s okay. That’s what it means to be alive. I’m excited to see how much clarity and non-clarity I will have at the dawn of my fifties, sixties, and so on.

 

Each chapter tells stories related to the specific value and shares my learnings from real-life experiences. Given the significance of books throughout my life, I couldn’t resist including a list of books and further readings at the end of each chapter.

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Am I scared to share such raw stories? Hell, yeah. I am. I have a small circle of people with whom I am truly open. Sharing my stories publicly is really scary. This fear was one of the things that stopped me from breaking the shell where I’d confined myself. The shell was familiar, predictable, and safe. Outside the shell? I don’t even know what to expect.

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Throughout this book project, imposter syndrome continued its unwelcome, unannounced visits. Whenever I had the urge to get back in the tiny shell, I gathered enough courage to ask myself, “Why not you?” I hope that as you read through this book, you can take a moment to ask yourself the same question. And as you continue the dialogue with yourself, you can gather enough courage to break out of your shell and fly high and far.

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So, let’s get started. Shell we?